stop telling your teenage daughters who say they don’t want kids that they’ll change their mind
reblog the shit outta this
I haven’t been a teenager in over a decade. Mind has yet to change on the subject.
At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didn’t want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.
At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didn’t want to uave babies. Ever.
At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, “What about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?” My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would ‘grow up’ qnd change my mind.
At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour she’d heard that I didn’t want kids. She patted my mom’s arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, “Don’t worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. She’ll give you grand babies”
At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, “thank goodness I’m never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and life”, then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didn’t-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didn’t want to. She was aghast, then told me that I’d change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.
Well, I’m over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I don’t hate children, I don’t think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I don’t think it’s impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I don’t have that biological imperative to procreate, I don’t have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as I’ve gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I don’t feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).
So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please don’t tell them that meeting ‘the right guy’ will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husband’s desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, it’s her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husband’s desire to be a father doesn’t supercede her autonomy.
Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they don’t need another judgement from someone who hasn’t walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.
*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*
Thanks for attending my TED talk. G'night.
Between my mom and mother in law, totally feeling this right now. Buy and house and suddenly everyone is like Okay when are the babies happening??
I maybe (like 95% sure) scored the perfect new job and I wasn’t even looking for it. And there’s still a decent shot at us getting our dream house.
Too much good…I just have a hard time trusting it’s all going to work out. I’m excited but my anxiety is through the roof waiting for the shoe to drop…
Fun story. When I was a senior in high school 10 years ago, my high school was having a used book sale. I saw a hard copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone on sale for $1. I didn’t have a hard copy, though all my other books were hard copies so I bought it so I could have the set all match. Never really thought about it, just glad to have all hard covers of the series.
So a couple months ago I saw a random article on my Facebook (click bait from buzzfeed or some shit) that was like “your Harry Potter books could be worth a lot of money!” So I clicked to see what that was about (I’m trying to buy a house, need what I can get ya know…) and was like “ok guess I’ll check my books for shits and giggles”. I wasn’t expecting anything.
Turns out that Sorcerers Stone book was actually a true first American edition. It matched all the publication numbers and book jacket details. Jackpot!
So I got in touch with a book dealer and sent some pictures. With the condition it was in (small tear on the jacket and the spine is not straight), it wasn’t worth the $$$$ that some of the nicer condition ones are worth BUT I still made a profit of $799 for it.
Yup. I bought it for $1 ten years ago, and sold it for $800.
Now that’s a profit!
So anyway if you know you got an old copy laying around, I would recommend you at least check!
